It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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