Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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