You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
