We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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