There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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