found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
