There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
