are you still at the devil's house?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
