If i come over, it means nothing
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
