Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
