Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
why is half of my head shaved?
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