After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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