Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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