he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
