and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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