He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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