So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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