Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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