I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
