I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
