member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
