Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
