my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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