I cockslap morals
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
