Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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