I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
