sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
