No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How external is "for external use only"?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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