I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
