It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize