i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
His nipple licking is glorious
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