Tell her she can't have a vagina
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."