Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.

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(212): I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants. http://tfl.nu/n3gu

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(407): View more from Florida

is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?

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(407): is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation? http://tfl.nu/cy8e

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(250): View more from British Columbia

are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...

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(250): are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning... http://tfl.nu/a14h

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.

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(612): Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever. http://tfl.nu/d9v5

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(516): View more from New York

I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

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(516): I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?" http://tfl.nu/niuk

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(818): View more from California

I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.

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(818): I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder. http://tfl.nu/z8u4

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(562): View more from California

I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.

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(562): I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight. http://tfl.nu/kfwj

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.

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(724): About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/twc0

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(479): View more from Arkansas

there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express

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(479): there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express http://tfl.nu/hlsi

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(914): View more from New York

I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list

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(914): I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list http://tfl.nu/bjw0

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(914): View more from New York

Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"

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(914): Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl" http://tfl.nu/cqzd

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(208): View more from Idaho

Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.

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(208): Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately. http://tfl.nu/dsn6

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(336): View more from North Carolina

okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.

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(336): okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style. http://tfl.nu/uhtz

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(651): View more from Minnesota

College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.

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(651): College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars. http://tfl.nu/lcai

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note

(1+44): View more from

Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!

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(+44): Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note (1+44): Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud! http://tfl.nu/x31j

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