Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.