everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
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Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
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Naked Twister starts at high noon
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.