Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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