Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?