So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
