Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
