so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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