Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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