3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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