i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
