we have officially mastered the walk of shame
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
