Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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