This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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