I wanna bring you to show and tell
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
