I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
