3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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