That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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