i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
