Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
