I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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