My first STD was from a foam party
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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