is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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