Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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