so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
