just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
