i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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