1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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