omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
