This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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