It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
