I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize