If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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