PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
