I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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