roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
