i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
