I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
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Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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