Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
