Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
