I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
