Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
