Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
