Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
