I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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