i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize